bleaching feeling

i feel i want to bleach " it " but at the same i dont want to bleach it.get it?
its bout her. the one that i cared so much who eventually became the the one who broke me into millions and millions and millions of pieces.  it feels soo good when im around her and i dont want to lose that feeling. ever.
but i did. i lost it and it might never come back again. ever. why is the big question here. but everything happens for a reason and maybe God have other plans for me. lets just hope so. and to ya'lls out there , move on with your life dumbass.